Landmark Forum and Landmark: Rants and Raves. 

In late '92 (the one I was supposed to attend), Jack reviewed the Landmark Forum and when he returned something happened for me. He began to live the Landmark Forum in such a way that I got it.  No longer did he just talk about it - but he began to live it in ways that I could see were giving him power.  There was a marked difference in who he was before versus after.   Though he had been impacted by his previous Landmark Forums, I had not known him before his first Landmark Forum to make the distinction of what was or was not the result of his attendance at the Landmark Forum. This time it was clear that something incredible had happened.  He was "unstuck" in areas that only weeks before had stopped him. I began to look at what was behind my saying “no” to do the Landmark Forum.

I walked in that room with Jack's one sentence of advice ringing in my ears:  "No matter what it feels like, remember that your Forum leader is there to contribute to you."   They were well chosen words, as I couldn't stand my Landmark Forum Leader, and even got up to share that I thought he was rude and abrupt with people.  And like most of the people in that room, I came to respect and love the man for his incredible commitment to make a difference, and I left able to distinguish my "interpretation" of people and events, from the "facts".

My list of breakthroughs is way too long to write down here, and the breakthroughs continue to this day.  By far the biggest, and the one that has impacted every action and relationship of my life is the discovery that I wasn't alone in my insecurity.  I had this story that I was the only one scared and everyone else seemed so confident.  Oh, the freedom that has come with knowing we are all scared! And how simply sharing out loud that I am scared has opened doors to a bounty of intimacy with others who are freed up when I confess.  And parallel to this was discovering that I - this bundle of anxiety - was scary to others!   Well, I had never considered how others saw me.  My internal tendency was always to down play myself, my value, my impact.  Yet my act of confidence was so effective that others believed it!!!

There is freedom in not knowing.  Unlike in school, now I get an "A" when I can say: "I don't know.  Teach me, show me, tell me."  My world was transformed when I discovered it didn't mean anything negative that I didn't know how to do everything.

My relationship with my parents, once rocky, has become a pleasure.  I won't lie and tell you it's all roses.  I'm still confronted by myself when with them.  But there is an honesty that didn't exist before, and a joy that comes from, finally, choosing these two amazing human beings to be my parents.  After years of pushing them away, I now welcome their input.  My mother continues to be amazed when I ask her for feedback.  To my father I was able to apologize for years of being critical and judgmental.  My story was that no one told me anything in my family.  Well, why would they?  I'd just knock them down.  Now, I know I am fully loved, and they in return.

At the Landmark  Advanced Course (my favorite so far) I discovered my joy again.  I remember holding my arms wide, outstretched, and thinking, "I haven't done this since I was 3."  All my life I'd felt like a Cocker Spaniel puppy peeing on people's feet, and they were like reserved thoroughbred Afghans.  I'd spent so much energy trying to contain my excitement.  Instead of suppressing it, I'm now channeling it in ways that bring me the results I want.

This is what I love about the Landmark Seminar - you walk into a room full of people who are committed to making a difference, committed to confronting themselves, committed to lives that they love!  I have found few places in the world where I know I can be my absolute self - no matter what that looks like at any given moment - and still be loved.  We talk of unconditional love - at the seminars I have it for real.  I continue to be deeply touched by the commitment of the volunteers - from the leaders to other people who assist - that makes this special environment possible for us.

Looking ahead into the future, I am committed to continuing a life of self-examination, to watching our son mature and become inter-dependent with the larger world, to seeing my stepdaughter continue to take on the world and herself in ways that have her living a larger, freer, more joyful and self-expressed life with a man she loves (and who is attending the Landmark Forum himself this weekend as I write this). And, to continuing to explore unlimited bounty in my relationship with Jack, which already far exceeds what I thought possible.

I love my life with Jack, from its joys to its struggles. Most of all, I love the experience of our partnership as we share them together.  I look forward to our time in just a few short years when our son finishes high school.  We are intentionally creating a future with more room for play and time with the friends we love so dearly, for work that honors our self-expression, with more health that fosters our vitality, sexuality and long-term commitments to the world around us, including our families. I am excited about my book on widows and a future which includes travel.  Jack is excited about music and building houses.  We're both intrigued with the possibility of grandchildren.

I love the community of Landmark Forum Graduates for their integrity. I love that there are people in my life who don't tell me what I want to hear.  They don't sell out on me.  These are people I can call on who will not console me, but rather challenge me to be the person I declare myself to be.  To use my friend Polly's expression, they "stand for my greatness."

Thanks for the opportunity to put in writing how much this work has meant to my life.  From 13 years as a consistent "no", I can speak to those who are leery.  Dive in.  What's a weekend?  We've all spent more time doing less fruitful things (just look at the hours we can easily spend watching TV in a month).  We've all spent more money, too, on things and experiences we've long since left behind.  Know this - the room in which the Landmark Forum takes place is to me the safest and most loving space I've ever walked into.

January 20, 2002 - Page-redesigned Feb. 2002

February 24, 2002: Read what happened when Pat Handler, Michelle's step-mom read this article!

Michelle has done many great things in her life. She spent most of her twenties doing community organizing, a profession she loved. She developed political and social consciousness from this activity that provided a foundation from which she operates in all aspects of her life. She and her loving husband Jack, are both Realtors in the mountains of the Ashe County, close to Boone, NC. 

Michelle's  son, Staton, lives with her. Completing the household are the family’s four dogs and Kiki, her mouser cat, who will say "hi" to everybody that visits. 

Her passion is to read on the Middle Ages, both fiction and non-fiction. She sews, quilts, and stitches, reads continuously to the occasional annoyance of her husband, indulges her delight in interior design, does her family's genealogy, corresponds with family and friends the world over, gardens and spends time with her friends.  Doesn’t it sound she is living a life that she loves?

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Designing a Future for A Life You Love. 

Grads in Action 
Breakthroughs, news, and stories from graduates all over the world.

Our son has done the Landmark Forum For Teens, and before that the Landmark Forum for Young People.  It was not something he did with eagerness (really, who WANTS to sit in a chair for three days?) but because he saw for himself that his life wasn't working in some critical areas - his relationships with us, his parents, and his teachers and too often with his peers.  As a result of his Landmark Forum, he cleaned up one very big lie he'd been living with and declared some commitments around his relationship to school and to us.  Living with a younger person who willingly confronts me when I'm over-reacting, who cleans up his emotional messes, who can apologize for his behavior, and most joyfully, be grateful for both gifts and boundaries, has inspired me about the future's possibilities.

I've attended a workshop no longer offered by Landmark, called the Parent/Family Workshop.  I have never let go of one thought from that one - that no matter how it might look or feel otherwise, our children love us.  I remember saying to my son, when he was about 10, that I wanted him to know I knew he loved me no matter what, even when he hated me.  I told him I wanted him to have freedom to feel his emotions without guilt.  I was by then able to look back and learned that when I had felt hate or rage towards my parents, I simultaneously battled shame and guilt.  I knew, I told him, that our love is a commitment, not just a feeling, and is the foundation of our lives together.  He has since told me (with his friends present) what a relief there has been for him to be allowed to have those feelings and feel secure.  As the parent, I have discovered this foundation made withholding love as a weapon useless. It has been freeing for us both.


Landmark Forum Graduates in The Carolinas

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If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for a passionate sense of what might be, for the eye, which ever young and ardent sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating as possibility! Søren Kierkegaard.